Ch-ch-changes

When I look over the last 12 months it's been one big honking period of change. It will soon be a year since we innocently started looking at houses. I say innocently because we had no intention to buy one. Not right then. Not for another six months. That lasted about two weeks. Oops.

There were vacations and moving and chaos.

There were deaths. Three between June and Christmas.

There were job changes for both of us. Good changes. Changes that keep changing into more good changes.

If you had told me last March that we'd have all these changes over one year I probably would have curled up into a ball and tried to hide under my bed. Change is exhausting.

Some days it is hard to find your balance. I'm not talking about that mythical balance where everything is equal. That's not what I think balance it. There are days, weeks even, when work always take precedent over home and times when home shoves everything else aside. No, I'm talking about the new balance you find when those things shift.

That balance has been a moving target for the last month. I don't even know what my schedule looks like anymore. It's not the same as last week. Last week wasn't the same as the week before that. Next week won't the same as this week.

And really, I'm ok with that. I prefer that to the drone of going into an office, punching my metaphorical time card and doing the exact same thing at the exact same time every day. I don't work well that way.

But at the same time constant change is exhausting. At the end of the week I hit a wall -- the kind of wall where the thought of going to the kitchen and making dinner requires more energy than you have and you are just about ready to burst into tears.

It's the kind of tired where you wake up on Saturday morning and your body feels like it weights an extra fifty pounds. So you run the minimum amount of errands that you have to run. Then you come home and sleep for 5 hours. You get up for four more and sleep for another 12 hours.

You're still tired but the heaviness leaves. You're ready to start another week, one that hopefully won't leave you feeling weighed down at the end of it. If it does, it's ok. You'll sleep. You'll rest. You'll build up your energy for the week ahead.

Because it won't always be this way. You'll find your groove. You'll find the right balance. It'll come.