Two Lost. Some Damaged.

I was feeling the need for some retail therapy lately so when I was moving money out of my PayPal account I fell back to my former habit of leaving a bit of mad money in there. I used to try to keep a bit of money in there all the time for Etsy or eBay purchases. Not a lot, just a little to play with.

I went to Etsy and started looking for jewelry. I wanted a shiny. A bauble. Sometime frivolous. I found myself heading scrolling to through the vintage section. I love vintage jewelry. I feel likeit has a story to it, even if I don't know. It has history and right now I'm trying to hold on to bits of history.

I kept looking at a particular ring and clicking away. I'd look at something shinier. I'd look at things that were beyond my budget. I'd look at things that were truly glitzy and perfect for night out. But I kept getting back to this ring. I hesitated. It was at the top of my size range  at a 6.5 (I have tiny fingers). I clicked the close up and saw there were a few stones missing. I wasn't sure about that. I love history but I prefer my jewelry not be damaged.

And then I read the description. It said that some of the stones were damaged and two are missing, but it did not affect the overall effect, and therefore beauty, of the ring.

"Oh," I said. "Oh...."

The reason I was looking for a frivolous bauble is that it was the day before a funeral -- the second of my summer. First my grandmother in June and then this friend who really was taken from us too soon. It was feeling like everywhere I turned this particular week I was seeing pain. As I scrolled through my feeds I saw more death and loss and struggle. I needed something pretty to cross my path.

I hurt. I hurt and I wanted to do something nice for myself. I wanted something tangible that I could hold and symbolize that while this summer sucked we all survived it.

And so this ring will remind me of that, while holding close the memories of those two loved ones. It was a hard summer, the hardest I remember having. But there was beauty in it too. The good moments, the undamaged ones, were small but collectively they were wonderful. They got lost in hardness of the summer.

I got the ring yesterday. There are two stones missing. There are a few stones that are damaged. You can tell the ring has been worn. It has that smoothness that comes from years of wear. You can tell the edges used to be more defined but they too are smooth. And as I type the dark stones catch glimmers of light and sparkle.

Two lost. Some damaged. Still beautiful.