Tough Choices

Remember when you were a kid and you thought that being an adult would be the best thing ever? And then you became an adult and you realized that a lot of the time it just plain sucks? Yeah. One advantage to being an adult is that when situations reach maximum suck levels you can make the choice to improve your situation. Unfortunately this often involves tough choices.

About a year ago I changed roles at my job and stepped into those wonderful management shoes.  And you know what, there were times when it was ok. Sure, it was a lot more responsibility and with that comes a lot more stress and with that comes a lot more hours. While there were times when it sucked but overall it was manageable. And then one day it wasn't. It wasn't the day after that. Or the week after that. Or the month after that.

I wasn't happy.  I was so far removed from happy that I didn't even know what happy looked like. I was vocal about it. I talked to those higher up the food chain and those at the same level.  I wasn't an isolated case. I tried to find a solution to it. I kept being told that things would change. Day after day and week after week the unmanageable stuff remained. It wasn't going away. Nothing was changing. There was no light at the end of the tunnel.

I was tired. I was tired due to stress. I was tired from the extra hours. I was tired of creating a Must Do list every day and then opening my email and watching that list flutter away into Never-Never Land because something was on fire. I was tired of always reacting and never working. I was tired because the work load was slowly suffocating me.

Again, I was vocal. Options were discussed including me switching back to my old role - something I wanted but I really did not see happening successfully. And then other shoe dropped. Or the straw that broke the camel's back appeared on stage. Or insert your favourite (mixed) metaphor.

As usual, I won't go into details concerning events at work but some things happened over the course of a week that confirmed to me once and for all that things would never change.  There was no light at the end of the tunnel, and worse yet, I was along in the darkness. Somewhere out in that darkness there be dragons and all I've got to defend myself is a pitchfork.

So I made my decision. It was by no means an easy decision. It was a tough one to make and it was, and is, still scary as all get out.

I resigned from my job. No, I do not have another job.

Friday was my last day. Yesterday was my first non-working day. It's weird. It's scary. It doesn't quite seem real.So far I seem to sleep a lot.

I'm mentally and physically exhausted from fighting those invisible dragons with my pitchfork. So I'm giving myself time to rest. Some time to heal. And some time to plot.

There will be more news in the coming weeks as I have more to tell you but, for now, I think this is scary enough.