The one where I am *THAT* neighbour

To the god/goddess*/Fate/miscellaneous deity that I have offended - If you would be so kind as to identify yourself tell me what offense I committed I will make the proper sacrifice** to atone for my misdeed. Because really, the punishments you are dealing out? So. Not. Fair.

So last night I was curled up in my bed fast asleep as all people should be at 1:40am. I am rudely awaken by my neighbour, the one that I think of as the Evil Bitchy Neighbour Whose Way I Want to Stay Out Of (ENBWWIWTSTOO for short...well shortish) screaming in the hallway. I couldn't quite make out what she was saying but I could recognize her uh...dulcet tones.

She does not stop but I'm really not so concerned that something is seriously wrong as I've heard that tone in her voice before and I know it's just her freaking out. No biggie.

Then my doorbell rings and someone starts banging on my door. This I am not so impressed by. I open the door to find the night doorman, my least favourite of the doormen by far largely due to the fact I cannot understand a single word he says, standing there. After several attempts I finally understand that he's asking me if I have a cat. Mostly because ENBWWIWTSTOO is hysterically saying there is a cat in her apartment and she's deathly afraid and allergic.

"Yes I have a cat but it's right here and what bloody time is it anyway? Piper? Piper???? Piper??? CHEESE Piper? CHEEEEEEESE!"

No Piper.


So I go over to ENBWWIWTSTOO's apartment while she stands cowering in the hall. I walk in and yes, there is my blasted, no good, sorry excuse for animal sitting underneath her window, looking at me as if to say, "You came!!!"

I pick up the blasted thing, go back into the hall, apologize as best I can to the still hysterical, and yes still bitchy, ENBWWIWTSTOO. I go to open my door and it's locked.

I am locked out of my apartment. At 2am. With my cat.

Again, FUCK!

You see, our doors automatically lock. You can set them so that they don't lock when you close the door, which I do when I'm taking out the garbage etc, but not something I thought of after being woken up in the middle of the night.

ENBWWIWTSTOO kindly ( kindly as I suspect she gets) calls the apartment switchboard and they leave a message for the Super (not the one from last week but the other one) to come unlock my door for me. It was great. I had to give her my name. At that moment I see her going back to her apartment to curse me with the boils or make a voodoo doll.

So she goes back to her apartment and I sit on the floor in the hallway with the wretched beast and wait for the Super to show up. While sitting there I try to figure out what I've karmic misdeed I've committed and I come up blank. I figure out how Piper got OUT of my apartment (I'm assuming when the delivery man was there with my dinner) but I'm at a total loss as to how she got INTO ENBWWIWTSTOO's apartment. She either must have left her door ajar while she was doing something (which I doubt because there's nowhere for the cat to hide in the hallway and she would have freaked out had she seen her) or, more likely, her door was not shut properly and Piper was able to nose her way in (I noticed a couple of times that my door didn't latch completely). I decide I'm certainly responsible for Piper getting OUT of my apartment but fail to see exactly how I arranged for my cat to get into her apartment and "terrorize her".

Then before too long the Super is there and lets me in, taking a look at the cat and says "It's his fault isn't it?" "Yep," I agree, not bothering to Piper's gender. I continue to apologize as he stumbles back down the hall to the elevator (he was wearing his PJs the poor guy).

I stumble into my apartment and put down the cat.

"Did it *have* to be ENBWWIWTSTOO's apartment? Really?"

And then I stumbled back to bed where I did not fall asleep until 4am.

Anyone want a cat?

* I highly suspect Hera as everything that has happened recently revolves around the apartment and we all know what Hera is like...
** I do hope it's not a virgin sacrifice. I live in Montreal. The only place I know to find virgins is among the Sisters and I'm pretty sure another God would then punish me for that one.