Dear Mailman

Dear Mailman,

BITE MY ASS!

Please stop leaving shit on my doorstep for people to try to steal. Luckily I was able to rescue my flatware today but if you remember, other packages have not been so lucky.  IN fact I lost a family heirloom thanks to you motherfucker.

This is now the third complaint I've filed about you. Is it getting through yet??? STOP LEAVING MY STUFF ON THE DOORSTEP.

One pissed off,

Sassymonkey

(For the record the customer service rep that I spoke to this afternoon was lovely. But I'm still pissed.)