Random

I was in bed last night. As more often than not lately, I go to bed exhausted and then crawl into bed and have my mind race. Recently someone mentioned to me that my pre-sleep thoughts where rather random and that they usually just get song lyrics stuck in their head. So last night what happened? Last night I had song lyrics stuck in my head.

Sometime near the beginning of March I heard Matt Andersen on the CBC programme Sounds Like Canada (why is it that when I talk about the CBC I always feel the need to spell it "programme" vs "program"??? Both are acceptable in Canada btw). It was right around the ECMAs because he was nominated for one or two. I had never heard of him before, which is hardly surprising. I don't exactly stay on top of music...at all. But after the show I checked out his website (clicky). Two days later I still had his version of "Ain't No Sunshine" stuck in my mind so I did something I rarely do. I ordered his newest CD "Solo at Sessions". It turns out I wasn't the only person who felt compelled to do this and I got stuck on backorder. It took about a month to receive it.

His website describes his music as a "sprawling blues, roots, and rock hybrid". Basically it's him belting out songs with his guitar for accompaniment. I've always been a sucker for a guy and guitar. I was listening to it last night as I was cleaning before bed, which is probably why it got stuck in my head. One song in particular got stuck. It's called "When My Angel Gets the Blues" and this is the part that got stuck in my head:
I asked she what she wanted
"what would make you smile?"
she cried "I'd love to live another life
if only for awhile"

It made me start thinking - how many people really feel this way? How many people want to live another life? When they say they want to live another life do they mean they want to live their life but do things differently? Or do they want to be a completely different person with completely different people around them? Is that what I was doing those last months in Montreal? Was I being that girl in the song? Was I just sitting around wanting to live another life? What made me snap and do it?

Cause sometimes I feel that my life isn't really that different. But it is. I live in a different city. I have a new job. I work from home. I live alone. I live by a beach. I can afford to pay bills and eat and go out and do stuff (in moderation). I read a lot more. The parts that are the same? I'm home more than I'm not, I mean outside of the normal "work day". Yes I work from home (often in PJs actually...) but I mean during the evenings and weekend. I do likely get out on the weekends more than I did in Montreal, even if more often than not I'm flying solo. So really, most of the time it's just me or around the house it's me and Piper. I don't want you think that I'm unhappy. I'm not. I'm mostly pretty content. And I'm definitely loads happier than I was in Montreal at the end (still miss you though Kit-Cat).

I don't want to live another life. I want to live *my* life. Yeah, I could live it more fully. Life is process. I'm working on it. But in the meantime I'm not ready to trade it in.

But this is what was running through my head before I went to sleep last night, along with the song lyrics. If this is what runs through my mind as I'm getting ready to sleep can you imagine what my subconscious does while I'm sleeping??? Is it any wonder I wake up feeling exhausted every morning?

Oh, and by the way, sometimes when I'm trying to get to sleep I think about blog posts. I write them in my head. And they are *brilliant*.

Of course, I can never remember them the next morning.