Perhaps sad...but true

I was just reading this post by Sweetney (waves - yeah I know, I never comment...I'm a bad commenter/ lurker/whatev but hey I read...that counts for something right?).

Anyhoodle, my first thought it "This is why I don't make friends."

My second thought, in reponse to my first thought, was "Damn, that is sad...true...but sad."

The truth is the matter is that I simply don't trust people. Even if I actually did work outside the house (which I don't, hahaha I get to work in my jammies!) I doubt that my level of "friends" would increase. My number of acquaintances would for sure but I doubt that many of them would make it to a real friend level. My friends that I do things with regularly basically fall down to three people (due partly to a mass exodus of the few other people I knew in this city who otherwise would be included in this list). One of them is someone I've known since elementary school. The other two are people that started off as online friends and due to time and a couple of migrations the three of us all ended up in the same city. But it's also fair to say that it didn't boom into a instant friendship from the get go either...it's had time to sprout and we've had years online to scope each other out. (Actually apparently I frightened one of them the first night we met IRL because I was quiet...it was about 10pm and I have been up and travelling since about 6am, dude I was TIRED. But it's ok...she's over it now. lol)

And yes, I do have a wonderful collection of online friends. I've had the chance to see many of them in person and they'll be sure to tell you that I was quiet in person which threw them off because I'm not so quiet online. (Well...TW at least noticed it but I doubt that she remembers commenting on it as she had just gotten out of the hospital and was still a wee bit drugged.) I know I'm quiet. I can't help it. It's just the way I am. It's the way I've learned to be. I watch. And I listen. And I see if what I'm seeing and what I'm hearing match up. And I forming an opinion of you? Yes. I'm trying to assess if you are really who are say you are or if you are just pretending. For the record my online friends have passed with flying colours...they really are who they say they are...and so am I, I just might not show it right away.

I've had too many people turn on me in my life to be trusting. Too many "friends" who turned out to be backstabbing bitches. Too many "friends" go got going when the going got tough. Too many "friends" painting me into corners. And I'm not going to lie, the alcoholic stepfather who went from a loving fatherly figure to calling me a useless bitch probably didn't help my trust abilities either.

So yes, my thoughts may be sad to some people. But that's not going to change anything. Sure, my social circle may be small. But I'd rather have it small with people I know I can trust than a large and untrusting mob.