I have to admit, I've been thinking a lot about food lately. Partially because I've had a lot of food books in my "to-be-read" pile, partially because of my obsession with the (Canadian) food network), and partially because Denise recently posted about food on her blog.

I've been thinking a lot about how I think about food. My relationship with food hasn't always been a healthy one. When my life was spinning completely out of control, it was something that I could control and I usually did by simply not eating it. I remember attempting to go see a counselor about thing and told her that I believed that I had a disordered eating pattern and she basically told me that she didn't believe me/ignored me. Oddly enough I never went back, lol.

I sometimes find it a bit odd that I have food issues because I truly do love food. But then again, that's part of the reasons why it makes sense. Also, a lot of my problems revolved around money so in truth I couldn't always afford to eat a lot. I always had staples on hand but if it came down to eating plain rice or not eating at all, I usually just chose not to eat.

I like to cook. I like to cook for other people. But at the same time, cooking for other people makes me nervous. I'm chalking that up to seeing too many cooking shows where things need to turn out "perfect". I'm just simply not a perfect type of girl. And it's taken awhile but I've come to realize that the people I cook for are my friends and they don't expect perfection from me. They just want it to taste good - and I believe they actually enjoy my company, lol. And if what I cook turns out to be a total disaster (which hasn't completely happened yet) we can just order pizza and they won't hold it against me. Lol

Sharing food with another human being is an intimate act that should not be indulged in lightly. ~M.F.K. Fisher

Over the years more than one person has asked me why I haven't gone to culinary school. The truth is that food is something that I enjoy for me. I like cooking when I want to cook, and what I want to cook. And I want to cook for the people that I know and like and who will appreciate it.

The American dream, you find something that you love and then you twist it and you torture it. Try to find a way to make money at it. I've spent a lifetime doing that, and at the end you can't find a trace of what you started out lovin'. - Hope Floats

That is exactly what would worry me about trying to make a career out of cooking. Also, as I mentioned above, I'm not a perfectionist. And in a chef's kitchen I'd be forced to become one. Not something that I find appealing.

For me cooking is an escape. It's creative, although I have have a hard time being too adventurous in the kitchen. I hate having recipes flop. I'm gradually getting more and more adventurous though, it's something I've been working on. I have a long list of things I want to try and no shortage of people who would be happy to sample them.

This post has actually gone completely off of where I was intending to go. I got sidetracked somehow. Maybe I'll find my way back to where I was going some other day.