Maybe it's just me...

But I truly believe that when a couple is first living together they really shouldn't live with roommates. This isn't a new sentiment of mine...I've had it for awhile. I simply don't think that it works.

I've lived with people. Granted at least one of them was a total distaster...he did break my cat and all... Still, if nothing else I've learned that living with someone is complicated. Especially if you've never lived with anyone before. Even if you've never fought before you moved in together, you will afterwards. And that takes some getting used to - learning to fight with someone...

Roomie J's girlfriend D is moving in shortly. But really they spend damn near every day with each other anyway. It does make sense that instead of them each paying rent at other places they pay rent together somewhere. I know that D had never lived with anyone else before. J is her first. I'm not sure if J has lived together with other people or not. They've only been together for about 6 months. They met one night and have been joined at the hip ever since. But even though they spend practically all their time together they each have their own place that they can escape to be alone when they need it.

Moving in together is stressful - especially when one of the people doesn't like change -which is totally D. Then add in the stress of J's brother having killed himself last week. J is definately stressed. That's obvious. I don't think she knows how to deal with it. And I don't think she's been alone at all since it happened. She's been with her family and D pretty much ever since. D's trying to deal with it but doesn't know how. As a result they've spent the last two days fighting.

They went out for dinner last night and came in the door fighting. Then they shut up completely - as in complete silence. Then last night there's a bunch of banging and J is stomping down the hall. My other roomie was home by this time and asked her what was wrong and all I heard was "She's wants me to ______". I have no idea what it was. It really shouldn't be any of my business. But the fact that they are stomping around the apartment in plain sight and earshot makes it my business. Really I don't want it to be.

I don't think there is anything wrong with couple's arguing...I honestly think that arguments and fights are part of a healthy relationship. I think they if you don't fight with someone ever it's a mark that something is wrong - that you don't care enough to argue with them or that you are too scared to argue with them - neither is good. At the same time I think there are healthy ways for a couple to argue and unhealthy ways - it all depends on the couple whether or not their particular style works for them or not.

In the early days of living with someone you learn a heck of a lot about them...and they learn a lot about you. There is a lot less that is hidden. Things that you didn't even notice or know about before are suddenly there and annoying the crap out of you. And you learn to deal with it. Or you don't.

But add to this the fact that you are also living with two OTHER people who can do things that annoy the crap out of you...but what it if doesn't annoy the crap out of your other half? So now instead of just arguing about your own couple stuff, you're arguing about the other people in your space as well. It sounds like a complete recipe for disaster to me. Especially since neither of them will have a space that's indivdiually theirs. The jointly have their own room and bathroom. But if they need to get away from the other and have some alone time they have to go to the common areas of the apartment. There is really no place for either of them to go just to be alone.

I do realize there are times where it doesn't work for couples to be alone - like if there are kids involved for example. But I really do think that for someone my age, who doesn't have kids - that if you are going to live with someone you shouldn't have roomies. Maybe I'm in the minority but if I'm going to live with someone, I want to live with them...and not have other people under foot.