Archive for the ‘Blogs’ Category

• I Can’t Believe I Said That

  Date: 2010.08.12 | Category: Blogs | Response: 6

  The words came out. I heard them and could not believe it. I wanted to shove them back in my mouth and I couldn’t. They were out there. I mentally cringed, at least I hope I only did it mentally as I was just finishing introducing myself to someone. Thankfully they did not pick up on what I has said.

  “My other blog is just a personal blog.”

  I wanted to kick my own ass.

  You see, I had proposed a topic for BlogHer this year. It didn’t get selected (which is fine) but it was, “It’s not ‘just’ a personal blog.” I wanted us to own our words and our blogs. (Something, by the way, that the Loving Your Small Blog session did very well.)

  I believe in personal blogs. I believe that sharing our stories, whether we be a mother or a crafter or a reader or all of those things or none of those things, is important. It’s really important. When you say that you “just” have a personal blog I will correct you and tell you that you have a personal blog. I’m the person, who when a sponsor survey wanted to fit me into a niche created my own box called “Life” and checked it. (Really, I did. I have witnesses.)

  I want, some day, to be able to look back on my online writing and know what I did. I want to know that a day sucked or that I had the best day ever. I want to know what my thoughts were on big ideas…and little ones. I want to be able to look back on my life and know that I shared it.

  I want to read about your life. I want to know what you think about things. I want to know what you did and how you felt.

  Personal blogs are about connections and sharing your life. That’s important. It’s powerful. It’s something women didn’t do publicly for a long time.

  When I dismissed my blog I dismissed myself and my life. I dismissed the things that are important to me. Worse, I dismissed your work. I labeled it as unimportant. I’m sorry for that.

  I don’t “just” have a personal blog and neither do you.

  Apparently I need to remind myself that.

• Mommies, Community and Me, the Non-Mommy

  Date: 2010.07.12 | Category: Blogs, sometimes I ramble | Response: 19

  A tweet passed through my stream a few months back that caught my attention. It was from a local blogger to a bunch of other local bloggers about how great it was to meet up with everyone. “Oh,” I wondered. “Did I miss an event?” Scrolling through I realized I did… and that I didn’t. There was a local meet-up but it was mommies, of which I’m not. “Oh,” I thought. “Oh, I wasn’t invited to hang out because I’m not a mommy.” Such is the life of a non-mommy.*

  I know these women and I know that they didn’t exclude me intentionally. I know that they were a bunch of moms just getting together to hang out with their kids. I know that if I could ping them and say, “Hey guys, I know I don’t have kids or anything but I’d really like you hang out with you guys next time.” I know that they’d all say, “Absolutely!” I know they never gave a thought to excluding anyone, it was just a meet up of local moms. How could that be exclusionary, right? I know this but I won’t lie — the unintentional exclusion still stings a little.

  I’m not a mother. I’m not, nor have I tried, to have children. Currently we’re still saying that we probably won’t have children, though we’re keeping a foot on that fence. At this point, my non-mommy status is by choice. (At least as far as we know. We’ve never tried to have children so we’re only assuming that we can.)

  I’ve blogged about the fact that I’m child-free by choice. I’ve blogged about the fact that I’m really not great with children. I’ve also blogged that I don’t hate children and that I’m perfectly fine hanging out with women and their children (though preferably not at Chuck E. Cheese).

  I’ve been the only non-mommy at events. I will watch your kids while you go the bathroom. I’ll keep an eye on your kids while they are running around the playground and if they fall while you are at the other end of the park I’ll go and check to see if they are ok. I’ll hold your baby while you are tending to another child.

  I’m a non-mommy, not a child-hater. I’m not going to sit there and “preach” about the benefits of a childless life. No, I’m not going to tell you how you should raise your children. Yes, I will sometimes offer an opinion if it is something you’ve asked for an opinion on it or for which I have a strong opinion. (I’m pretty darn good with book recommendations for kids, for example.) If you mention something about parenting that you are looking for input on and I’ve read a blog post about it I may send you the link if you aren’t familiar with it. I’m not going to tell you how to live your life any more than I’ll let you how expound on how I should live mine.

  I know that I can be a bit of a curiosity at times. I know that I am a non-mom who doesn’t want to be a mom and yet wants to hang out with moms and sometimes their children. What people sometimes don’t see is that I don’t necessarily want to hang out with moms; I want to hang out with women. I want to hang out with smart women who are interested in the same things that I do and happen to be active online. These women, and many of my mommyblogging friends, happen to be all those things. They also happen to be mommies. Does that mean we should exclude each other?

  I’ve been told that I don’t have the same experiences as these women. I’ve been asked if there’s not a “better” community for me to join. I’m confused.

  I’m confused because I’ve heard many of these women that I know and love (and who are not the ones asking me this) say that they aren’t just mommies. They are women. They don’t want to be defined solely by the label of “Mommy.” They don’t drop their friends that don’t have kids when they have theirs. Should I not want to be friends with them after they have children? I think if that were the case it would make me a pretty crappy human being.

  I don’t want to be part of the mommyblogging community, exactly. I want to be part of community of women and mommy or not, we’re all women. Whether or not we have children is one part of our lives. Yes, a big part, but mommy or non-mommy is not all that we are. I have good friends that are moms. I have good friends that are not moms. I have good friends that would very much like to be mothers.

  It’s a fact that cannot be ignored that most women my age either having children or want to have children. If I exclude everyone who fits those two categories from my life there would not be many people left.

  I fail to see why I should not participate in the conversation on a mommyblog and if I participate why I should not consider myself a member of that community. I did, once upon a time, say that I wasn’t part of the mommyblogging community. Someone quickly corrected me. They reminded me that I support mommybloggers (which is easy as they are pretty awesome), that I participate on their blogs and that I am friends with them. Why wouldn’t I consider myself part of their community?

  Why indeed. It’s not whether or not we have children that forges the connection between us. It’s who we are as people and women.

  But maybe I’m wrong. Can a childfree women be part of a community of women that have children? Can a blogger without children be part of the mommyblogging community?

  *Please note that this is not about these lovely, lovely women who I know would drag me along if I so much as hinted to a glimmer of a thought of not being included. This all comes from this conversation on BlogHer about non-mommies, mommyblogging, and community.

• BlogHer 09: In Real Life

  Date: 2009.07.29 | Category: Blogs, sometimes I ramble | Response: 2

  In Real Life was an appropriate motto for this year’s BlogHer conference, for my experience at least. My online and my real life merged. You see, there are people I know on the internet that are very much part of my real life. People like Denise and Tarrant and their family. They are friends that I’ve known for almost as long as I’ve been online and they opened their home to me even though I brought the Fake Husband with me. (Though I think he’s growing on them, they laughed a lot and the kids seemed to enjoy him.) I hadn’t seen them in almost six years because I suck and I couldn’t get my butt to BlogHer before now. So going into BlogHer I was feeling fantastic about being there and I still got to spend BlogHer with them and the two oldest of the little kids because they were going too.

  The BlogHer conference is what you make of it. Before I went I wrote this:

  I’m expecting to go and learn. I’m expecting to be overwhelmed. I’m expecting to meet fantastic, inspirational women. I’m expecting to hang out with friends, be they people I’ve know for years or people I’ve known for five minutes. I’m expecting to bawl my eyes out at the community keynote. I’m expecting to feel like I’m on the world’s craziest, scariest, most thrilling and exciting amusement park ride. And I’m expecting that the moment it’s over I’m going to be like the child that cries the whole way through and then says, “AGAIN! AGAIN!”

  I was right.

  I learned. I learned more of what works for me and what doesn’t in a session. I learned it’s worth going to a session even though you are worried it might be a bit to “mommyish” for this non-mommy. I learned that I my decision to not really attend any parties aside from the cocktail parties was bang on (though I did end up at the People’s Party).

  I met and reconnected with fantastic, inspirational women. Women like BlogHer’s founders – Lisa, Jory, and Elisa. I proclaimed my love for Susan Getgood on Twitter. I came away from there wanting to be a better writer, a better blogger and a better person.

  I met with friends like the wonderful Lauriewrites, Zandria and Laurie K (Ok, so I don’t have to travel so far to see her, lol). I met Blondie for the first time by walking up to her and saying, “I read your blog all the time but I never comment because I suck at commenting.” Then I found out that people kept thinking that she was me because you know, all redheads look alike. (I kind of wanted to pack Blondie in our car and take her home with us. I’ve adopted her…I’m just not sure she knows it yet.) I met Joy, one of the sweetest women on the planet. Lee and I both got to hang out and have breakfast with Deb Roby.  I gave Suzanne Mars bars. I met a whole bunch of my fellow Contributing Editors at BlogHer (but not all of them who were there which makes me very sad). I met the fabulous book bloggers Florinda and Texas Red.  I had my picture taken with Suebob’s Red Stapler (but alas, not with Suzanne’s stuffed beaver). I know I’m missing a dozen people. I’m sorry. It’s too much to take in and put down on the page.

  I didn’t get to meet everyone I wanted to meet. That sucks, but it is to be expected I suppose. Out of 1500 women I can’t meet them all. (And I kinda suck at the whole meeting people thing, small talk is not something I’m very good at.)

  I saw Paula Deen though I didn’t get to really meet her.

  I bawled my freaking eyes out at the Community Keynote. I’ve never been so happy to remember to pack tissues in my laptop bag. They weren’t all tears of sadness, though some were. There were also tears of happiness, of love and of laughter. The Community Keynote? Those writers remind us of what it is that we do and why we do it. They raise the bar and challenge us to meet it. I swear I’d go back to BlogHer just to attend the Community Keynote.

  BlogHer is indeed the world’s craziest, scariest, most thrilling and exciting amusement park ride. I had highs and lows. I had moments of exhilaration and moments of blind panic where I talked myself out of going back to my room and hiding. There were times that I wished I had gone to more parties and then I smacked myself upside the head and thanked my stars that I hadn’t. There’s nothing wrong with the parties, I just know they would have been too much for me. I sucked at feeding myself meals in the evenings, something that I need to improve on for next year’s BlogHer. Time to start scouting the internet for the best eats at a reasonable price in NYC.

  Because yes, I’m going next year. As overwhelming as it is it is also awesome and it is indeed a ride I want to ride again, and again, and again.

• If you subscribe to this blog

  Date: 2008.09.24 | Category: Blogs | Response: 0

  You need to change your feed subscription. The new feed is http://www.sassymonkey.ca/?feed=rss2.

  Edit: Bloglines is not totally loving the feed yet, but Google Reader is.

• I don’t want to be Dooce

  Date: 2008.08.08 | Category: Blogs, Things I Don't Understand | Response: 16

  I’ve been thinking about this a lot since BlogHer 08. Yes, I do write for BlogHer but no, I did not attend (I’ve never attended). I followed the Twitter updates and read the blog posts during and after. I read a lot about jealousies, being ignored and not being invited to private parties. And then I read Rita’s post, “Jealousy Isn’t Always An Ugly Emotion” at BlogHer and all the comments. I simply don’t get it. I don’t get being jealous of another blogger – not for their traffic, not for their content, not for their income, not for the opportunities their blogs generate. I really don’t understand why anyone else is either. And I really don’t understand the hatred directed at other bloggers because they have any or all of those things.

  Are there bloggers I like? You betcha! Some of them I know either online or in real life but for most I fall into the Fangirl spot. Not everyone is going to be my friend and that’s fine. I don’t want to be friends with someone just because they are cool or write well. I really don’t want to be friends with someone just because they are popular.

  I can clearly remember the day that I decided that.

  I was in ninth grade and I hovered on the edges of the popular crowd. I was really too bookish and well, to be honest, too poor to be cool and popular. I didn’t wear the right clothes, I didn’t watch the right movies, I didn’t listen to the right music, I didn’t have cable, and I liked books far too much. If I were to classify my position in that group I was a pawn – I moved only in a few directions when commanded. I was the weakest link and easily expendable. One morning before homeroom I was sitting with my back against the lockers surrounded by the cool crowd when I looked around and realized that I had a decision. I could stay there and be the pawn that lives on the edge, frequently ignored except when needed for one of their games while waiting for the day they permanently cast me aside. It would be a life of insecurity. Or I could be the pawn that increased their power and to do that I had to leave. I could be in command of my own movements. I stood up, I walked away and I never looked back. I never regretted it.

  It’s probably one of the few truly smart things I’ve done in my life. That and when I stopped getting my hair permed (especially the bangs, OMG the bang perm! *shudder*).

  No, I don’t want to be popular/famous/whatever like Dooce/whoever’s name you want to put in this spot. Sure the income would be nice but the hate mail wouldn’t. The hate blogs wouldn’t. The threats wouldn’t. The scrutiny wouldn’t. The having people wanting to be your friend just because you are famous wouldn’t. The people thinking that they are destined to be your BFF because they see a tiny portion of your life wouldn’t. No, I’m not jealous of the popular bloggers one bit. I don’t hate them. I have a great deal of respect for them but I don’t want to be them. I won’t put them on a pedestal nor will I treat them with contempt.

  Yes, I do make money online. No, it’s not enough to live on. And, no it’s not directly through this site. And yes, you bet your ass I consider myself fortunate for the money I do make. But I work for it too. I have deadlines to meet and if I don’t do the work I don’t get paid. It’s work that same as my day job is. Or rather what my day job will be when I’m back to working. In case you’ve never been here before, I’m not working right now and it’s not because I’m rolling in online dough. My personal circumstances changed and I quit my job and relocated to a new city (so yeah, being out of work right now my student loan lenders really like my online money). I can make a damn good living in my industry and when I’m working and my online income pales in comparison.

  I occasionally get books for free from publishers/marketing/PR folks but I don’t do them in exchange for money nor do I promise them a good review. I’ve only once been offered something other than books to review and I declined (it was poorly pitched).

  No one is handing me money just for being here. No one is paying me money to write this. I don’t run ads (I have considered it – I might someday after I switch servers). I blog in three places. I write here for many reasons but mostly I write for myself. I write here for many reasons but mostly for myself. I write here and partcipate in this community for many reasons but mostly for myself.

  Yes I have writing envy sometimes. There are bloggers who are able to communicate and write in ways that I can only dream of and work towards. They push me to be a better writer and better blogger but not because I want to be them or be like them. I don’t want to imitate them. They push me to be a better version of myself – a more open, articulate, and sincere form of myself. The most that I hope for is that someone responds to my writing and my voice.

  I think that when we get jealous of people we focus on what or who we’re not instead of what or who we are. In a blog people respond to what you write, how you write and mostly who you are. Jealousy only diminishes that. Somedays I wish someone would explain to me why anyone would want to be anyone but who they are but even if they did I don’t think I’d ever understand it.

• Why Do I Blog?

  Date: 2008.07.24 | Category: Blogs, Things I Don't Understand, sometimes I ramble | Response: 7

  WHY DO YOU BLOG?

  That’s a question I’ve been seeing around a lot in the last week after BlogHer 08. And I’ve been pondering it. I’ll think about it as I’m reading a book. I’ll think about it when I’m in the bathroom (what? don’t try to tell you don’t think in there too, I won’t believe it). I’ll think about it when I’m getting ready for bed or watching tv. I’ve been thinking. And the answer is…

  I. Don’t. Know.

  I know why I started blogging. It was because Cat did it. And because I found other people who blogged. And it was easier to reply to their blogs if I have a sign-in.

  And then I started wondering what I wanted to do. Should I stay in Montreal? Or should I quit my job and move to Toronto? I needed a place to write it out…to wonder. Because I didn’t have many people I could talk to about it. I was 25 years old, single, unhappy and I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life.

  And then I moved. And I kept blogging. Because I was wondering what I wanted to do and how I was going to do it. Where would I find a job? What kind of job would I find? Oh right and I lived with roomies from hell which was always interesting for the blog (if not enjoyable to live through). And then I found a job. And then I started a book blog because I needed someplace to talk about all these books I was reading. And then I moved out on my own (thank freaking goodness). I was 26 years old, single, happy, and I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life but things were going ok.

  And then I was 27 years old, single, and not entirely happy (although my evil vile neighbours had been evicted which greatly improved things). I had no idea what I wanted to do with my life or how I was going to do it. In a less than a day while on vacation in Montreal I decided to move back there. I worked from home so it wouldn’t matter where I lived. I found an apartment in 20 minutes. It was kismet I thought. So I moved back.

  And I was 28 years old, single, still not entirely happy and living in Montreal. I loved my apartment. Hated my job. I met a guy but was unsure for a long time. And then I wasn’t. And then I quit my job. And then shit happened. And then that guy moved in. And then we moved to Ottawa.

  And now I’m 29 years old, not single, happy, and living in Ottawa. And I don’t know what I want to do with my life or how I’m going to do it. I have no job (am searching). But I have good support behind me – including the people that read this blog and that I only know (or mostly only know) online.
  

  Some of this was blogged openly. Some wasn’t. Somewhere along the line I stopped blogging about stuff. I stopped using this as *my* space. I saw it as an open forum where I had to be guarded. I’m not sure why. Maybe I had seen too many other bloggers get burned. Maybe I was scared. Maybe I wasn’t ready to be questioned about things. Maybe I was afraid to be challenged to look at things. Maybe I was lost and I wasn’t ready to get found.

  I’ve never been a naked blogger and I’ll never be fully naked. There will be always be things that don’t get mentioned on this blog. People, names, events. I’ll never be a sex blogger. I’ll probably never be fully open about my relationship on here. Some things are for myself.

  But so is this space. And for the last year ok let’s be honest, for a very long time the stuff on this blog has been filler. Not fake but filler. I had veered away from personal blogging. There were times when I’ve struggled to keep up my other blogs.

  Maybe I haven’t blogged about my life because I didn’t feel there was much to blog about. But I’ve been thinking about that and I’ve decided that’s bullshit. The bloggers I like most are the ones that blog about themselves, about their experiences. I relate to the personal experience – maybe it’s the anthropologist in me. Maybe I’ve always been more comfortable to be the reader and not the writer.

  Maybe I’m scared.

  Maybe I’m scared to take myself seriously. Because then I’ll have to be accountable for things. Maybe I’m scared to figure out what it is that I want to do because I’ll discover that I’ve gone about it the wrong damn way (honestly it usually is the path I take…). Maybe I was so focused on getting an education I never stopped to think about what life would be like after or what I wanted to do after because I never thought I’d make it that far. And then when I did I was scared to ask for more.

  When people ask me what I want to be when I grow up I throw out the flippant answer – taller. It distracts them, it throws them off. They forget that they might have been asking a real question. It works.

  I don’t know what I want to be. Or who I’m going to be. Right now I’m just me. And that’s damn fine.

  Why do I not blog? Because I’m on a journey, I don’t have a map, I don’t know where I’m going or where I want to go. I’m just trying to avoid the quicksand, marshes and mountains. Why should I blog? Because I’m on a journey, I don’t have a map, I don’t know where I’m going or where I want to go and I need to figure it out. But maybe someone else has a compass and can help me out.
  

  Why do I blog? Because I’m on a journey. And I’m hoping you’ll will be a friend and co-adventurer along the way (and maybe you have a compass or know a shortcut).

• NaComLeavMo

  Date: 2008.06.23 | Category: Blogs | Response: 0

  Basically I failed NaComLeavMo in terms of its goal. I knew when I started it that it was not the ideal time for me to be doing it. As soon as it started I was going to be without internet for several days. And then I was playing catch up. And then, well, life happened as it so often does.

  But it made me stop and think about commenting and about when I do comment and where I comment and why I comment. And after that, and missing some important posts on some of the blogs I read most frequently but that got buried in my huge lists of feeds, I did some reorganization and now those posts won’t go missed again. I’m trying to be a more active commenter in general, but especially on those blogs, especially within my own community.

  NaComLeavMo contained mostly blogs that I did not know – blogs that I don’t consider part of my online community. Yes, there were blogs from across the gauntlet of topics that bloggers cover but not many that I follow. It was great to read and see different communities, even if it was sometimes heartbreaking reading some of the stories on the infertility blogs.

  I read a lot more posts than I commented on. Why? Because, especially in terms of some of the infertility blogs, I felt like an outsider. Some of the posts on blogs are deeply personal and it just felt wrong to me to do a drive-by comment. I felt like I was being intrusive. But I read and I explored and went to many blogs I probably would not have found my way to if not for NaComLeavMo.

  Thank you to everyone who commented here. And my apologies if I did not return the favour.

• Keeping up with Kit-Cat

  Date: 2007.12.01 | Category: Blogs | Response: 4

  She’s gone and made her blogs all Christmasy so I’m countering by making this one wintery.

  Hmm I could use a wintery image for my book blog…I suck at custom headers.

• A final note on NaBloPoMo

  Date: 2007.11.30 | Category: Blogs | Response: 3

  I came, I wrote, I did not conquer. And to be perfectly honest, I don’t give a rat’s ass. This month has been hectic and there have been more nights than I care to reflect on where “supper” was Carnation Instant Breakfast (I still standby this being better than nothing). Needless to say, the ability to combine letters, words and punctuation to form (somewhat) coherent phrases was low on my list.

  To the people who *did* do it – thank you all for giving me something to read as I choked down my Carnation Instant Breakfast at the end of the day. I still love you all even if you did do insane things to the number of feeds I had to read each day.

  To the people who did NaNoWriMo – successfully or not – I still think y’all are freaking insane.

  An aside: they took the digital cable classical radio station I usually listen to and MADE IT A FREAKING HOLIDAY MUSIC STATION. WTF? Not even a classical holiday station. I could handle the Nutcracker Suite (actually, I love the Nutcracker Suite, especially the Dance of the Sugarplum Fairy) but nooooooooooooooo it’s people singing and shit. I’m sorry, it’s still not even December. This is so wrong. I want my freaking Vivaldi ok?

• ‘Tis Official

  Date: 2007.10.30 | Category: Blogs | Response: 2

  I signed up for NaBloPoMo. For this blog. Not for my book blog, partly because I’m so bloody behind on posts there that it would almost be too easy over there. And I also tend to neglect this poor hodgepodge of a blog in favour of its literary sibling.

  So, a whole month of posting every single day on this blog lies in the very near future. If ye be smart ye be start betting on how long before I resort to posting Cookie Monster and Kermit the Frog clips from YouTube (C is for cookie, good enough for me! Cookie! Cookie! Cookie! starts with C!).

  So what am I going to blog about? No bloody clue. However, you may help me. You see, several authors whom I love and adore has recently decided to let their readers ask them questions which shall be answered at some point over the course of a month (or in some cases, several months…and with answers that have varying levels of truth…). I like this idea. So leave me a question in the comments and I just may answer it (no promises that I’ll give you truthful answer but hey, I’ll at least attempt to make it entertaining).